Posted in Life

Floods of Life

Today has been a watery day, lol. I was woken up by the cold from the heavy rain and quite frankly didn’t have the vibe to go for Chapel service because I was feeling too cozy. I managed to get up, boil water and brush my teeth while I waited for it to boil. After showering, I wore whatever I could find because ‘it was raining’ afterall so no-one would pay attention.  
On getting to chapel, I sang through worship but could barely keep myself going for the 3 rounds of prayers. For some reasons, I couldn’t just pray. Shortly after, a man came to make announcements and what he said was concerning an issue that was bothering me if they choose to enforce in school as it would affect me, and they did. It was just the height of it all, plus all I had been going through personally, this just triggered an overwhelming depression. Immediately he finished I literally bent my head and placed my palms above my face to shelter it as I began to weep. Oh my God! I was so angry at myself, seated in the midst of over 2000 students and I couldn’t even control my tears! The angrier I was at myself, the more I wept. I managed to slip my hair from it’s tie to cover my face more and after a while, it reduced.  

I thought it was over till the choir came and sang this song that gets to the depths of my heart and it’s called “Olowogbogboro” by Nathaniel Bassey & Wale Adenuga and I bent my head again and I wept 3x more than I did before as I sang that song and every single word down to the letters had a meaning to me, I cried to the extent that my nose was dripping as I was just soaking in the lyrics of the song. Luckily for me the sounds from the instruments stifled my wail and sniffles from time to time, and I managed to clear things up before the song finished. For those who don’t know, Olowogbogboro means “the mighty outstretched arms of God” and it’s a prophetic song that was released in the 30 days midnight worship titled the Hallelujah Challenge. Lyrics are below:

Trusting God for a good turn around,  believing that the victory is mine. 

Now let me explain why I was crying, I love my life to be perfect and for a long time I’ve been trying to get my life to be what I want it to be, in terms of my character, my walk with God and also the ability to excel in every area/role I find myself especially where God has called me to. Instead I’ve been in situations that don’t make me see what the Bible says I am. I am the head and not the tail, yet I haven’t been performing greatly at school, even reading the course comes with sadness and headaches. There are still things I do occasionally and I wonder why I do so. I have been given the spirit of boldness and yet I still fear and worry about many things that come my way when they stop going as smoothly as I’d wanted and many battles in my mind that I’ve been struggling with and I desire freedom from as they make me volatile in the sense that I lash out unnecessarily sometimes in frustration.

But wow, guess what was the highlight of what I got from what the Chaplain said today? 

So shall they fear The name of the Lord from the west, And His glory from the rising of the sun; When the enemy comes in like a flood, The Spirit of the Lord will lift up a standard against him.

Isaiah 59:19 NKJV

Hellloooo, I was flooded by the situations in my life today and lies from the devil that caused a physical expression of it through tears. It also made me feel like I did in my post “SoMeTiMeS” again.  But the above passage was striking, it reminded me of a part in the book of Mark that I was studying 2 days ago, about when Jesus came to the land of Gadarenes with His disciples and saw a demonized man:

Then they came to the other side of the sea, to the country of the Gadarenes. And when He had come out of the boat, immediately there met Him out of the tombs a man with an unclean spirit, who had his dwelling among the tombs; and no one could bind him, not even with chains, because he had often been bound with shackles and chains. And the chains had been pulled apart by him, and the shackles broken in pieces; neither could anyone tame him. And always, night and day, he was in the mountains and in the tombs, crying out and cutting himself with stones. When he saw Jesus from afar, he (the demons)  ran and worshiped Him. And he cried out with a loud voice and said, “What have I to do with You, Jesus, Son of the Most High God? I implore You by God that You do not torment me.” For He (Jesus) said to him, “Come out of the man, unclean spirit!”  Then He (Jesus) asked him, “What is your name?” And he answered, saying, “My name is Legion; for we are many.”

Mark 5:1‭-‬9 NKJV

Now the highlight of this passage is “My name is Legion, for we are many” .. I checked on Google for the meaning of legion and it means 3000-6000. Wow. Little wonder this man could break chains, a legion of demons! The understanding I derived from this puzzle solved thanks to Holy Spirit is that the enemy never comes alone. When he comes with the spirit of fear, he also calls that of worry and then doubt and then depression and then anger in yourself and then envy of others that seem “better” and then an oppressed esteem of yourself and what God can actually do in & through you and many more. The devil comes in a flood, but as the book of Isaiah says, the Spirit of God will drive him out and set a standard against him. 

Let me now say this, it takes God to conquer the flood of life! Your power cannot overcome it, you don’t even stand a chance to win without Him and I am saying so because I have tried! Endlessly and helplessly! Think about the recent flood in Houston and the rescue boats brought to save people, God is our rescue boat. The devil is the enemy of our soul and he never gives up in his battles no matter what level you think you are. But by the understanding that the Spirit of God in us has the power to drive legions and floods of the enemy, there is no way you can be submerged in the flood the enemy brings. In whatever aspect you’re trusting God for, be it character, addictions, your walk with Him & many more, the victory is ours, even if it doesn’t happen immediately, slowly but surely it will. Please keep praying and don’t give up. I’m just happy about how everything fitted into one big solved jigsaw puzzle today, from the tears to the song to the word. I really hope this revelation brings light to somebody and if there’s anything I pray for right now is that I continually dwell in the understanding of the fact that the Holy Spirit and my knowledge of the word of God are my weapons for warfare in this life and He alone is my rescue boat because life is overwhelming, life is tiring, life is pressurizing and I don’t want to go on in it without the help of my Jesus. 

Love & Light, 

Derah🌴

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Posted in Life

SoMeTiMeS

To whosoever follows up with this blog, forgive me for my inconsistencies, forgive me for my delays. From the moment I took up this assignment it became a responsibility because I never know who God may want to speak to at any point in time, so if I slack they may miss the word at the right time and I have been slacking, so I appeal. A while ago, I wrote a little poem or whatever you may want to call it and I thought I should share as it describes how I feel sometimes. I was prompted to post it today because today is one of those days that I feel this way. 

Here it goes:

Sometimes I just can’t help it. It’s like something is itching my inner man, but how do I even scratch it? The discomfort it gives causes me to scream so loud, but still, no-one can hear me. How is that even possible?

Sometimes I just can’t help it. This well of loneliness that digs deep into me. And yet it seems like even if I was swamped with companions, they still won’t be able to fill this well.

Sometimes I just can’t help it. This void feeling. Like I’m empty. I yearn for something and I wonder how I can be filled. It’s like I’m hungry, but hunger is too physical. It’s like I’m thirsty, but what fluid can quench the soul’s thirst?

Sometimes I just can’t help it. This feeling of insecurity and inadequacy that creeps all over me, telling me that I’m not enough. Telling me that I can’t do it. It’s like a web, but I’d prefer a web – it’s easier to get rid off.

I guess it’s justifiable then to say that nature abhors a vacuum. A deep overwhelming feeling of emptiness and inadequacy in everyone that can be compared to that of the world before God said “let there be light”. I had heard that statement on a Tuesday, in Bible study and it kept ringing like an alarm. Nature abhors a vacuum. Imagine how creepy an empty world was? Could be a reason why people commit suicide. When life gets too creepy/overwhelming and the room of their soul is empty, cold and dark. They feel alone and don’t know who to turn to. Thankfully, feelings are deceitful and it is times like this that God brings me back to Him. It is times like this that I am thankful there is God because He is the only one who can actually help. 

You see:

God is the only one who can bring soothing to a discomforted spirit. 

God is the only one that can brood over your life and speak light into it that will cause you to shine bright forever, evading darkness. 

God is the only friend whose love and companionship can completely fill a well of loneliness, so much so that it overflows and people are drawn to you so they can fetch.

God is the only one whose words and opinions can secure you and uplift you from any form of insecurity complex or inadequacies, because you are more than enough and you are more than capable. 

Now you see, I know all of these things but I’m still learning to understand them, to remind myself everyday, because it’s sometimes not easy to believe God is all that we need, till He’s all that we have. I hope to never get to that before understanding though, because it may be dangerous. So sometimes I may go through these but I can be rest assured that His word says:

14whoever drinks of the water that I will give him shall never thirst; but the water that I will give him will become in him a well of water springing up to eternal life.” –  John 4:14

Smiling.

What are you allowing to fill you up? 

As for me, I need to keep reminding myself and believing His word; that He will fill me up in every way, and I advice you do same. 

Stay blessed,

Derah🌴